I awoke this morning with giggles. I was thinking of some of the things I have heard over my years of working with children. It started my day with joy and I wanted to share with you a few of those words of "wisdom". The names have been changed to protect the innocent (or not so innocent =) ) Any photos included are just to add more smiles to your face and not a reflection of the story teller. Grab a cup of coffee and settle back with me for a stumble down memory lane.
J. arrived very upset. It was not a good day. Mom was leaving him at work.
G.G. one of his favorite teachers approached him. " J. are you OK?" J pulled back.
G.G. scrunched up her face in concern. Wrinkles appeared over her forehead and around her kind eyes.
"STOP that!" Shrieked J.
G.G.'s eyes widened. "Stop what J? I don't know what I did."
"Stop looking at me with that OLD LADY face!"
Miss. P. and 3 year old F did not communicate well. F had a mind of his own and needed choices.
Miss. P loved giving direct orders. After a long day of battling, F told Miss. P "Shut up!"
Miss. P was not happy. This was the ultimate insult. She marched him to the office to sit with the secretary. "I want you to sit here until you are ready to apologize."
F was a very charismatic child. Soon he had engaged the secretary, who was trying to ignore him in conversation.
"I am going to my grandma's. She has a talking dog."
"Is it a toy dog that talks?"
"No a real dog that talks."
"Oh, you mean he when you tell him to speak he barks."
"NO. I mean he really talks like us."
"Hmm. You could get a dog like that on T.V. Lots of people would love to see a real talking dog."
Miss. P reenters a few moments later. Hand on hip, swinging her long hair over her shoulder. "Well F are you ready to apologize?"
Long silence steady eye contact from F. Shoulder shrug followed by wide, sparkling smile. "Yes. Yes I am, because I have a dog that is going to make me so rich I can pay you to Shut Up!"
N had developed a like of four letter words. (I don't mean food, door, truck...etc). This had become a conversation his parents and I had over several weeks. They were very unhappy with what he was saying at home, and where sure that it was coming home from school. We had all been really in tune to listen to the conversations and the only time we heard a four letter word it was always initiated by N.
His dad stood in the hallway. In a very firm voice he said to me, "We do not use those words at home. He must be learning them at school."
"I understand your frustration and I am paying close attention to the language here at school, but I am not hearing these words even from the schoolagers in the morning. I too, would like to figure out where these words are coming from."
N pulls on his dad's hand, "Dad."
"Just a minute and we will go. This is becoming a bigger issue than you realize he is saying these words in front of grandparents. My mother was very upset last Sunday when N said sh*! at the dinner table."
N pulls harder, "Dad!"
"In a minute, this is serious. We don not use words like this at home. We do not allow him to play
with neighborhood kids who use these words."
"I am very sorry. I can imagine it was embarrassing to have him cursing at dinner. We will keep trying to discover where these words are being learned."
"DAD!"
"What N?"
"You taught me the words!"
"I beg your pardon young man. I do not say bad words."
"Yes, you do! Those are your garage words. The ones mom says you have to say in the garage when I am not with you!"
Long silence. Painful eye contact from N's dad. Slight blush to his cheeks. "I am sorry. It seems we have solved the problem."
After a long walk at a local park full of geese, that was thus full of goose droppings we returned to the classroom. We were removing shoes due to the droppings when this class decided to start chewing on their shoe laces. "Please, don't put your laces in your mouth."
I might as well have been mute.
"Don't chew on your shoe laces. Remember all the goose poop we just walked through?'
Total lack of interest in my words of wisdom.
"DON'T chew on your shoe laces. They might have goose poop on them and then your are putting goose poop in your mouth."
A few discussed looks, a few stopped, a handful became more determined. (Surprise.)
"Stop chewing on those laces! There is goose poop on them. You will get sick."
Blank stares then 3 children pick up their shoes and go to bite their toes. I see a vision of the disgusting seen to occur.
"Do you not hear me their is Goose Sh*! on those shoes!"
Now I have everyone's attention. Oh my, how can you say goose poop so many times and then slip to that word.
My co teacher catches my eye as she stifles a snicker. "Thank you, you got their attention. And know I get to tell each parent that picks up tonight: Yes, Miss. Helen did say a bad word but she meant goose poop."