HATE! Are You Indirectly Teaching or Fostering it?

Strong Emotions Are Like Fog, They Obscure Your View!

HATE!

What is it?

Do you really know or are you letting the media form your ideas?

Dictionary.com defines it this way:

verb (used with object), hated, hating.

1.to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest:

to hate the enemy; to hate bigotry.

2. to be unwilling; dislike:

I hate to do it.

verb (used without object), hated, hating.

3. to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility.

noun

4. intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.

5. the object of extreme aversion or hostility.

adjective

6. noting or relating to acts that are motivated by hatred, prejudice, or intolerance:

a hate crime; a hate group; hate mail.

Psychologistworld.com defines it this way:

Hate, as a mode of guilt or of pride, generates destructive thoughts (but at a lesser intensity than paranoia). Antithetical thoughts, when directed to other people, represent pride ; when directed to oneself, represent guilt. [¹]. At a much lesser intensity of denigration, criticisms of other people represent jealousy, whilst criticisms of myself arise from my sense of idealism.

Now that we have a basic understanding with out the influence of others opinions, lets discuss our children.

WHO TEACHES THEM HATE?

Take a moment to look around you. It is the people closest to them they learn from. So while you are blaming the media and President Trump, look at their schools, teachers, friends, siblings AND yourself.

How are you responding to the recent actions around the world? Little ears and eyes are watching. What are you saying with your words, actions and body posture? Are you taking time to explain why you are upset? Have you even come to terms with why you are upset.  

Before you can teach your child why it is wrong, you have to understand why you believe it is wrong.

What social or moral injustice has been violate?

What makes you believe it has been violated?

How should or could it have been handled differently?

How do you want your child to behave when they are confronted with such an issue?

How are you going to give them the tools to respond in a positive way?

We need to be careful that we don't teach tolerance to a point where our children don't realize they can and may stand up to injustice. Abhorring something is a God given emotion for a reason. If it wasn't, everyone would not be up in arms over the current upset all around us.  But we are responsible to how we react and behave.

When you hear: "I hate peaches!" You realize some one does not like them.  As a parent you may try to convince your child to try them because you learn to like things over time in some cases.  I will always despise eggs.  I know, I have tried them.

When you hear: "I hate all Trump stands for!" You add an emotional response to that that meshes with how you feel about President Trump.  If you are a President Trump supporter you may feel a visceral response of anger, upset or disgust. If you are not a President Trump supporter you may feel a common bond with the person speaking it, a sense of satisfaction that others feel the way you do, but you may not feel angered or upset by that statement.

Well that is where hate is emerging form.  For those of us who have a strong, and negative, visceral response we have to take time to think through our response.  Especially if others are around.  We need to think through our words and actions.  We need to explain to children, and adults I am beginning to believe, how to handle anger, fear and upset and still make our point understood to others without attacking them. 

We need to explain why we agree or disagree with the statement or behavior and teach safe and gentle ways to still make a strong impact on those around us.  It is NOT for you to teach someone else their view point or beliefs are wrong.  It is your responsibility to show them other ways to think about a subject, person or group of people.  Yes, Hate groups are wrong but if someone believes they are right you are not going to force them to see you have a different solution!

We also need to be cautious we don't down play the anger and upset around us also.  Remaining silent doesn't help your child see that you can agree with someone and yet still feel that their approach is wrong.  You can point out other ways to get the same point across in a better manner.

Now I am not talking about sitting down and having a long discussion with a preschooler although junior high and high-school children can engage in such conversations.  

With preschoolers self talk helps a lot.  When someone says something in a negative or derogatory manner you can say to yourself, yet out loud: I agree or don't agree with them but I wish they had handled it this way and then state how to handle the statement in a more appropriate manner. Take it a step further and express why to handle it in a better manner.

When watching the news, responding to social media and talking with others consider what the others around you are hearing you say and how they are seeing your silent response in body posture and facial express.  Those speak volumes.  If you blow it and set a bad example, go back apologize and show the other person or your child the right way to handle a situation.

We are Not doing our kids any good allowing them to hear about how evil the world is, how angry everyone is and how bad others are.  We need to show them the good, teach them the right way to respond and set the example.  We need to make them feel safe and secure.